There I Am

As a little girl, I had curly brown hair, pale skin, and freckles. My dad gave me the pale skin and freckles. My mom gave me the brown hair that started going gray as a teenager. (Thanks, Mama.) My head is shaped like my dad’s, and now that I’m an adult, I look a lot like my mom.

It isn’t just in appearances though where my parents come shining through. I have a loud laugh like my dad when I get really tickled at something. I have a loud singing voice I got from Mama. I’m also spunky like my Granny was, and tend to overthink and worry like my MawMaw did.I’m a product of all those who came before me. My parents can sometimes look at me and say, “There I am!

When Justin and I were in our early days of trying to grow our family, we used to talk about what our children might be like, look like, or act like. I knew I would always need to keep sunscreen handy because he and I are both pale and burn easily. I hoped they would have red, curly hair like their dad and grandpa. Maybe they would have blue eyes like me, and when their hair stared to gray waaay too early, they would blame me like I did my mama. They might have their dad’s nose or my chin. And Heaven help us if we had to raise a kid that was half me and half Justin. That would be one wild child.

Of course, this wild child never came to be.

Thankfully, the Lord sent us the wild child He had planned for us all along….and what a beautiful plan it was! Since our son came to us through adoption, we can’t look at his physical appearance and say, “There I am!” He doesn’t have my eyes or my chin. His skin is a perfectly creamy tan, not pale and freckled like mine and Justin’s. (Thank goodness!)

Now that he’s getting a little older and his personality is really starting to develop, I’ve found myself looking for traits similar to ours.

There are several things he does that reminds me of his dad. Of course, Justin hung the stars and moon in his eyes. He is Mac’s most favorite person in the world, and Mac wants to be with his dad always. Naturally, he’s picking up on some things Justin does and he tries to do them the same way. There are times Justin could say, “There I am!

I’ve had a harder time with that. With the phase Mac is in right now, I wasn’t kidding when I said he wants to be with his dad ALWAYS. That has been a little difficult for me at times, but I’m glad they have such a strong bond. The other day, though, I saw it.

Mac picked up a stuffed animal, grinned a huge grin, snuggled him tightly, and brought him to me with a book for me to read.

I teared up, smiled to myself, and thought, “There I am!

My heart was then struck with the thought, “How often can my Heavenly Father look at me and see Himself?”

I was instantly convicted.

Oh, how I want to be like Him.

Since Christ saved me and changed my life, He has been making me like Him. My grandmother used to tell my mama, and my mama told me that God will not keep us from anything that will make us more like Jesus…and that includes suffering. He has to get rid of anything unlike Him, and that’s often a painful task. But, when it’s all said and done, it’s so worth it.

As much as I used to want to be like Christ, that desire is even stronger now that I have little eyes watching me. I want to do everything I can to point my son to the One who loves him more than we do, to the Lamb who died in his place so he can be saved, to the One who deserves all of his praise and all of his life.

I want my life to reflect Christ. I want to show His love to those around me. I want others to fall in love with Jesus just like I did…because just as He is worthy of my life, and He is worthy of yours too. I want Him to have all of me to do whatever He wants to do.

My heart’s desire and prayer is that I might be like Him. I want to live my life in such a way that my Father will look at me, smile, and say, “There I am.” 💙