At church last night, my hubs quoted this verse from Psalm 66:
“Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul.”
There are times when the Lord reminds us of things He has done, and nudges us to share them and give Him glory. He’s been reminding me lately of instances when I was overwhelmed to the point of despair and desperation…until He showed up.
I’d like to tell you about one such instance. Let me “declare what He hath done for my soul.” …because only He could have done this. I don’t think I’ve shared this on the blog before, though I may have. Please forgive me if it sounds familiar. My memory is not one to be relied upon much these days. I’m only sharing it now in hopes it may be an encouragement, and to give glory to God for what He has done in my life.
Many years ago, when I was in the throes of my “dark days,” I was seriously struggling. I was struggling mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I was depressed over my infertility, and I was about to succumb to the bitterness that was threatening to eat me alive. For a long time, I was in a mess, and I couldn’t get myself out. Every day seemed harder than the one before, and it got to the point where getting out of bed, let alone leaving my house, was a struggle. My life seemed as barren as my womb…and it was awful.
Since my husband is a preacher, we’re often traveling to meetings where he’s been invited to preach. I could barely make it to my living room most days, but now, here I was having to go out of town and be around a bunch of people and see their kids and listen to their stories, and try to have a smile on my face so no one could see the hurricane raging on the inside that was about to do me in.
The first night, I was sitting in the fellowship hall with some people I knew, when one spoke up and mentioned something about their baby on the way- a fact that was common knowledge to everyone at the table but me. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. All the wind was knocked from my lungs, and I struggled to breathe. As soon as I could, I left the table and went to the restroom stall where the hot, angry tears burned my cheeks. My mind went back to a past conversation where this very lady had been complaining about her children, and said several times that she did not want any more. Now here she was expecting again, and my arms and womb and life were empty and dried up.
As we went back to our room that night, Justin was busy studying to preach the next day, and I laid in the bed and silently sobbed. I cried and cried until no tears were left. I was in so much pain, far worse than anything physical I’ve experienced, and I felt like the weight of it was going to literally crush me. I laid in that bed and begged God to help me. I told Him that I could not make it through another day in the shape I was in, and if He didn’t help me, I don’t know what I’d do. There were no other options left. He had to help me.
The next morning, I tried to hide the puffy, swollen eyes, and went back to church. My heart was still broken. I still felt so alone. I was still in a mess, and still begging God for help. The first preacher preached, and I didn’t hear anything he said. The second one got up, and I tried to focus, but I was having to concentrate so hard so I wouldn’t just sit there and cry the whole time. They were winding down their message when they just mentioned in passing that Christ is our great High Priest who is touched with the feelings of our infirmities. For the first time, I wondered if Jesus ever wanted children. He was God, but He was also man. Did He ever desire a home and a family, all the while knowing He would never have them? At that moment, God spoke to my heart and said, “I know how you feel.”
I can’t express the help that flooded my soul with those few words. I was sobbing again, but I didn’t care. People were looking at me funny, but I didn’t care. God was doing things for me they couldn’t see, and He gave me the help I needed so desperately. Justin even had a look of concern on his face, but all I could say was, “I’m okay.” I couldn’t have gotten the words out then if I had wanted to.
My circumstances were no different than they had been the night before. Other people were still pregnant, and I still was not. On the outside, nothing had changed, but on the inside, there was help and a brief reprieve from the violence of the storm. It’s hard to feel isolated and alone when the God of heaven lets you know He identifies with and understands what so many others can’t.
There were still days ahead when I struggled. I still battled in my mind and emotions, and even in my soul sometimes, but that day was the turning point. It was still years before I was completely out of that hole of despair, but it never got that bad again. He was with me. He was with me, and He understood. I needed a word from heaven, and He gave me a word. I needed help, and He gave me help.
This day became an Ebenezer in my life. I can look back and know that because He was faithful on this day, He’d be faithful on hard days in the future. When I need Him, I can count on Him to be there. When He said, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee,” He meant it.
This is just one example of a time when God did something special for my soul. It’s just one of my many “Ebenezers,” – times I can step back and say, “Hitherto hath the Lord helped me.”
Are you in the middle of hard days? No matter how much it may feel that way, you aren’t alone. Take your burdens to our Great High Priest. Let Him comfort you like only He can.
Are you on the other side of hard days? Praise God for bringing you through, and don’t hesitate to declare what He has done for your soul. All glory to God alone! ❤️