Tomorrow is the big day.

The day I looked forward to as a child.

The day I dreaded as an adult.

The day set aside to focus on and celebrate mothers.

As someone who has an amazing mother, I still love to celebrate her. She sacrificed so much to help me become who I am today.

When I was a child, I despised being told what to do…but the parenting style that is so prevalent today of being the children’s friend and making them happy at all costs was absent in my home. My mother sacrificed my momentary happiness to make sure I became a well-adjusted child and adult.

She didn’t take the easy way out and just gave in, but she butted heads with me until I learned her will really was stronger than mine. She sacrificed her time and energy to teach me lessons I needed to learn.

When I was little, I was terrified of storms. I had a crippling fear of getting swept away or losing my family in a tornado. Living in Georgia where tornados are a reality, every time it began to thunder, I would immediately jump to panic mode. Many nights, my mama sacrificed sleep to help me calm down. I was also prone to high fevers as a child. I can’t count the times she lost sleep or just dropped everything to sit with me and keep a cool rag on my head.

She sacrificed everything about herself for her children. My dad, my siblings and I, her parents and brothers, other people she loved…we all came first. Her needs and wants were readily given up in favor of ours.

And she is still doing this today. She gives and gives and gives, never taking anything for herself. She is the most unselfish person I’ve ever seen, and she deserves to be celebrated. My mama is a Proverbs 31 woman indeed.

Over the last decade, for me, the sweetness of this day has been overshadowed by the bitterness Mother’s Day has brought.

I have rarely felt more unspiritual than I have on past Mother’s Days. I never want to go to church, and at times, I’ve hated everyone and everything. I’ve hated that I’m a pastor’s wife, so I couldn’t stay home. I’ve hated that every lady in church had flowers or a corsage except me. I’ve hated that I had to sit and listen to a message all about moms that had no application for me whatsoever. And most of all, I’ve hated all the encouraging remarks and looks of pity I’ve gotten.

I know people mean well, and I am in no way excusing my wretched attitude; I’m simply being honest. This has been a day when I have been self-consumed and focused only on how I was feeling. I’ve been the complete opposite of my mom.

The last couple of years haven’t been as bad because I had the hope of adoption in our future. This year is different though. Last month, we separated from our adoption agency and are praying about what our next steps should be.

I told y’all a while back that I wasn’t content anymore waiting for God to do the next thing. I’m just content. It has me curious as to what Mother’s Day will look like for me tomorrow. In the past, I’ve gotten through either by being numb or by crying all day or by being consumed with anger and sadness. Sure, I’ve plastered smiles on at times, but there have also been years when I didn’t even attempt to hide my frustration and disdain of my situation. My face has dared people to come talk to me. Again, not excusing my completely unChristlike behavior, just being honest.

Tomorrow, I hope to face the day the way my mama faces every day- with an unselfish heart. I want to rejoice and be glad in the day the Lord has made, focus on celebrating all the moms out there who have given and are giving so much of themselves for their children, thank God for the blessings of mothers, call my mama and let her know again how thankful I am that she is mine.

When I think of 1 Corinthians 13, my mama immediately springs to mind.

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

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Even as a child and teenager when we didn’t see eye to eye, I knew deep down that she was right. She strove to please the Lord in all that she did….and I wanted to be like her when I grew up. I’m 33 now, and I still want to be like her. My mama is a priceless treasure.

Proverbs 31 and 1 Corinthians 13 describe who my mama is. I want to live tomorrow and every day doing what she has spent her life teaching by example: loving Jesus, loving others…just loving unselfishly. I want to be like her. ❤️