This is one of those posts I’ve wanted to write and yet have been putting it off for some time because it’s intensely personal and writing it has been difficult. This one is different than others because I feel the weight of it even as I type the words.
I saw an article this morning that absolutely broke my heart.
We all know abortions happen all the time, but I’m afraid we become desensitized to it and force it out of our minds. The article I read made it fresh and real again in my mind and heart….and it devastated me.
It can be found here.
In case you choose not to read it, it describes a woman who had an abortion of her twin girls at 20 weeks, for the simple reason she already had daughters and didn’t want any more. It also includes a picture of her very pregnant belly.
People offered help and assistance to this mother, but she said she had no compassion for the little girls she was carrying, and aborted them anyway.
As I read and my heart broke, I couldn’t help but think that I would’ve taken them. Many others would’ve taken them. They didn’t need to die.
I also noticed this article is almost 3 years old. How many more children have been ripped from their mother’s womb and tossed in a trash can since this was written?
If you’ve visited this blog before, you know our story. You know the longing and desire my husband and I have for children. You know that as of yet, this desire is unfulfilled…and it looks as though it will stay that way. You also know that our faith and trust lies in our God who does all things well and right, and He gives us peace that passes understanding.
What you don’t know is this: In April, my hubs and I applied for adoption.
We were approached by a good friend who said she wanted to help. She told me that if we ever got a green light from the Lord to move forward with an adoption, she wanted to be in charge of all the fundraising and was confident the funds would come in quickly.
We took a couple of weeks and made that a major object of prayer. We had been considering adoption for quite some time, but we didn’t want to make a move out of God’s will.
As we prayed and talked about it, we both felt like the time was right. If we waited until we had all our ducks in a row, it would never happen. Also, if we refused to do anything until everything was just as we thought it should be, what kind of faith would that be?!
I contacted the head of a Christian adoption agency before applying and explained our situation. With my husband being a pastor and me working part time, we don’t have and can’t afford insurance at this time. (Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past couple of years, you know that this is a common tale because of it being so insanely expensive.) She assured me that as long as we could provide insurance for the child, it wouldn’t be a problem.
We filled out the application, prayed over it, and sent it in.
I tried not to let it consume my thoughts or worry. While I had my moments, the Lord helped me and gave such grace and peace while waiting.
After a few weeks passed, we were contacted by them and told that without us having insurance, we wouldn’t get a child placed with us.
Of course, I was sad and disappointed, but I rested in the fact that this was no surprise to God and His “No”s are always great blessings…even if we can’t see it at the time.
We had discussed adoption at length and both agreed that while we are definitely open to foster care adoption, we both want a baby. We want to experience everything from start to finish at least once.
I had read in several places that it is harder to have a baby placed with you if there are any other children in the home, simply because there are so many couples with no children wanting infants. For this reason, we decided to try for a baby first.
Once we were turned down by the adoption agency, we looked into possibly going ahead with a foster care adoption. However, that doesn’t seem like an option without insurance either….you know, since we’re technically breaking the law by just paying the fine.
It looks like a private adoption may be our only option at this point.
I was joking with my husband and told him I don’t know anyone willing to give up their baby. For some reason, all our friends want to keep their children. 😉
I’m kidding, of course. We just want what God wants. (Before you say, “Well maybe God just doesn’t want you to be parents,” please know that I have considered that for some time, and if that’s the case, He’ll give us the grace to live without them….though hearing you say that helps us in no way, so please don’t.)
We know that God is big enough to bring us the children He wants us to have in whichever way He chooses to do it…if He chooses to do it.
Will you help us pray?
Would you consider sharing this with others who would help us pray?
If you or someone you know has an unwanted pregnancy, please remember that there are so many couples out there who are unable to have their own children and would take yours into their hearts and homes with unconditional love in a heartbeat.
Please choose life for your child and love for a family-in-waiting.
If you have any questions or personal comments, you may email me at firstname.lastname@example.org