As the sun peeks over the mountains here in western NC this morning, it’s not just a brand-new day, but a brand-new year.
A clean slate.
A fresh start.
A new beginning.
Out with the old and in with the new, right?
In all honesty, I’m struggling today.
Struggling with some thoughts of this past year, and struggling with the thought of the year to come.
I’ve tried to write this post for several days, but I couldn’t find the words.
Perhaps I should begin by focusing on some of the big things that happened in 2014.
1. We welcomed a new niece in April.
2. I was able to get a job as a teacher’s assistant at our local elementary school and I love our class full of kindergarteners.
3. Some friends introduced me to Doctor Who and I discovered I’m just a huge nerd…but I love it and I so don’t care!
4. We celebrated my 30th birthday.
5. After a few years of looking for an opportunity, we were able to move closer to church and town.
All of these things were an answer to prayer (well, except for my nerd status), and I’m so grateful for each of them.
However, challenges came along with each of these.
We welcomed a niece, but no children of our own.
We moved and are faced with decorating and filling these new rooms with beds and books instead of cribs and toys. Also, in the process of packing, I came across many things I had bought over the years and put up for one of those days when I would need them – children’s books, paper dolls, little Thanksgiving dinner sets… You get the idea. I sat surrounded by these dust covered things I still have no need of and cried.
I work with 13 five and six year olds, and some days, I barely make it out the door before the tears come because I can’t take them home with me.
I turned THIRTY. I know that number means nothing to God, but to me, that felt like the end. The end of the already minute possibility of having our own children.
I suppose these days, my struggle is once again between having faith and being realistic. I believe God can, but whether or not He chooses to is His business and rests completely in His hands.
I look ahead to this new year and find myself hoping that this may be the year He comes and takes His children home. Sweet Heaven will surely fix it all.
If He doesn’t return this year, chances are good things will end the way they are beginning: just me and my hubs in a quiet home.
But you know what? That’s okay.
That is much more than some people ask for or have. I may not have everything I want, but God has certainly seen to it that I have everything I need and much more than I deserve.
I have a nice, warm home I share with the man I love.
We have a car that runs well and gets us where we need to go.
We still have all our family members to call and see when we can.
We have a church full of people we love and can worship and serve God with.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am a child of the King and I belong to Jesus. He sees that I am well taken care of. He walks before me, beside me, and behind me. I am sheltered and protected by His loving, scarred hands and nothing can harm me. He speaks peace and comfort to my soul like nothing and no one else could. He has proven Himself more than trustworthy over and over. He is my Father, my Savior, my Guide, my Keeper, my Shelter, my High Tower, my All in all, and my Friend.
As long as I have Him, I need nothing else.
Christ is all I need.
No matter what this year holds, no matter the joys or difficulties that may come in 2015, I have Jesus…and that is enough.
And the best part? He’ll be enough for you too.
Happy new year, my friends. ♡